While visiting my father in Bangkok, we went to a traditional Thai restaurant to dine. The restaurant was fairly crowded and at the table next to ours was a Caucasian couple.
Halfway through our meal, we witness a commotion brewing between both couple and restaurant’s manager. There was a disagreement over the cost of the bill. The couple insisted that they were unfairly over charged. They pointed out to the manager that they did not place orders on three of the dishes and could not understand why they were still being billed for it.
However the manager, being inept at English, could not comprehend the couple. As the disagreement dragged on, the couple got increasingly frustrated. Their voices started to grow louder and the Caucasian guy began jabbing his fingers on the table agitatedly; drawing the attention of other diners present.
To my utmost surprise, the restaurant manager started smiling and laughing politely to the couple. There could not be a less appropriate reaction from the manager; and this served to further exasperate the couple. It was clear that the couple felt belittled that they were not taken seriously. Feeling insulted, they paid the bill and stormed out of the restaurant in a huff.
It was only when my father explained why that I realized the good intentions of the restaurant manager.
In Thailand, shouting and shows of annoyance are cultural taboos. Most Thaïs live by the principle “Jai Yen Yen” – meaning a cool heart and anger is considered an anathema to most, if not all situations. The Thais believe that shouting and displays of annoyances are signs of a lack of self – discipline and good moral upbringing. Hence it is a norm for a Thai caught in such a situation to help “save face” by smiling. Therefore the manager in an attempt to help the couple “save face” in the crowded restaurant naturally started smiling and laughing politely to defuse the situation.
This aspect of Thai’s culture is certainly unique and different from Singapore – you would never find a right – minded restaurant manager reacting in such a manner to a complaint would you?
Halfway through our meal, we witness a commotion brewing between both couple and restaurant’s manager. There was a disagreement over the cost of the bill. The couple insisted that they were unfairly over charged. They pointed out to the manager that they did not place orders on three of the dishes and could not understand why they were still being billed for it.
However the manager, being inept at English, could not comprehend the couple. As the disagreement dragged on, the couple got increasingly frustrated. Their voices started to grow louder and the Caucasian guy began jabbing his fingers on the table agitatedly; drawing the attention of other diners present.
To my utmost surprise, the restaurant manager started smiling and laughing politely to the couple. There could not be a less appropriate reaction from the manager; and this served to further exasperate the couple. It was clear that the couple felt belittled that they were not taken seriously. Feeling insulted, they paid the bill and stormed out of the restaurant in a huff.
It was only when my father explained why that I realized the good intentions of the restaurant manager.
In Thailand, shouting and shows of annoyance are cultural taboos. Most Thaïs live by the principle “Jai Yen Yen” – meaning a cool heart and anger is considered an anathema to most, if not all situations. The Thais believe that shouting and displays of annoyances are signs of a lack of self – discipline and good moral upbringing. Hence it is a norm for a Thai caught in such a situation to help “save face” by smiling. Therefore the manager in an attempt to help the couple “save face” in the crowded restaurant naturally started smiling and laughing politely to defuse the situation.
This aspect of Thai’s culture is certainly unique and different from Singapore – you would never find a right – minded restaurant manager reacting in such a manner to a complaint would you?
I believe that the least tourists can do (before heading to a foreign country) is to learn the basic local language first.
ReplyDeleteIn this case, it's the angry couple VS the smiley manager. A vast difference in behaviour indeed. Actually I was thinking that the couple could have gotten some other people (like you and your dad) to help resolve the problem (if you can speak Thai).
I hope the Caucasian couple will realize the meaning behind the manager's smiles. =)And they will realize the importance of understanding and learning the country's cultural norms first before going there to avoid awkward/exasperating moments.
P.S. You sure the manager can't speak English? Or trying to cheat them..?
Hmm. I am wondering how the argument managed to drag on for as long as it did if both parties to the argument are unable to speak a language understandable to each other. That the Caucasian man got to a stage where he was so agitated and jabbering to the manager who cannot understand a single word he says is rather comical. It also indicates to me that the man seems to expect that English be understood. That seems a little overly chauvinistic to me.
ReplyDeleteCultures clashing are a given whenever you go abroad on a holiday. And the conflict is exacerbated if there is no way for both parties to communicate because of a language barrier. Like Jialing said, some knowledge of the local language will definitely help. If not, at least the language barrier should be acknowledged and appropriate help be sought out. To me, both parties in this scenario are not even making any attempt to communicate and overcome their cultural differences.
P.S. Jialing, you're so suspicious.... =p
-Wanliang
Hi Jialing,
ReplyDeleteWe did not step in to help us the Caucasian man looked a tad aggressive for our comfort.
Haha yes I do have some doubt about the manager. I cannnot be certain if the manager truely did not understand english. However he did not over - bill us during our dinner there or on the few occasions my father dined there.
Hi Wanliang,
ReplyDeleteI actually thought it was comical and slightly unreal. The conflict was not very long - at most fifteen minutes. However the man got agitated very quickly during that duration and hence his wild guestations.
P/S: Actually he looked slightly intoxicated to me...haha)
I have come across something similar. A colleague once told me that one of her students from East Asia kept smiling when she was scolding her. Later, when she asked the student why she had smiled ( which had angered my colleague) when being corrected, the girl had responded that she smiled because she was embarrassed and had not intended to be insolent.
ReplyDeleteMrs Richardson
Hi Valerie.
ReplyDeleteIf u did not mention about the Thais taboo of shouting and showing annoyance in public, I would have said that the manager really had a high EQ. I must say that this principle "Jai Yen Yen" of the Thais is really helpful to overturn the awkward situation if only the couple would have understand it.
I myself sometimes would also keep smiling in an embarrassed situation, hoping that both parties would feel less uncomfortable, though sometimess people might think that I am taking slightly of what they have said.